By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
