birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
