i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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