I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
