matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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