ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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