He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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