i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
