That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
