I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
