what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm getting married
To pizza
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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