Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
