i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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