So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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