I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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