smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
