I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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