when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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