i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
