Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
