I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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