she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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