for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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