Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
