This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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