The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
