I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
