im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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