He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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