He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
