Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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