I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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