Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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