take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
