Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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