My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
