im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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