New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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