theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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