the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
