:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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