Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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