In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
