Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
