Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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