Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
