Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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