Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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