my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
