and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want to make out with him forever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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