Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
