I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
