She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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