whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Life is so much better after having sex.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
