hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
