i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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