i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
