I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thus making me awesome and them whores
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
