I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
