i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
