Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
