She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
