i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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