Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
