I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
