so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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