Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my shit smells like andre
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
