How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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