On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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