I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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