i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
