We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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